you realize poignantly the things on which you had survived and thrived back “home.” unfortunately, you realize them most heart-wrenchingly because you lack them in this place in which you are trying to make your “new home.”
my goal for tomorrow is to give someone a simple, priceless hug. and hope to receive one as simply and sincerely as well.
These are what hugs look like in Tampa. What will they look like in the “po-dunk”* (quoting the authority of Andy Nguyen) of Carbondale?
(cool cactus glases, no? :P Poor Patrick…)
CANDID (adj.): free from bias, prejudice, or malice // marked by honest sincere expression // indicating or suggesting sincere honesty and absence of deception
*Disclaimer (including this like a true lawyer-in-training): I like Carbondale, even if people think it’s po-dunk. I dream to serve the po and dunky anyway… I love people and I’m pretty po and dunky myself, don’t you think? I’ll take that as a compliment, Andy :)
To be honest, I almost threw up my awesome blueberry-honey-bunches-of-oats breakfast as I walked from my car Appa to Criminal Law yesterday. Almost like I tasted it in the back of my throat and forced it back down. Sorry, TMI.
"Ever seen the movie Paper Chase?”
I know, I’m really tired of hearing that question too. But yes, I have, and walking into Crim Law this morning was like walking into Kingsfield’s class…everyone in my section was there in their seats and ready to learn. Such future leaders of America. I couldn’t see any empty seats even, they packed the classroom so well it was like we were little molecules in a perfect lattice. I’ve always wanted to be a molecule..
I had never realized how shy I could be until today. Walking through the halls, dodging around over 400 law students was truly intimidating, and I felt like I didn’t belong. I had just spent the whole weekend doing nothing but laundry, cooking, and preparing for class (and yet still had to stay up till 5 AM to finish), and I was just a little discouraged about it all. It was a humbling and awe-full experience.
I’m also starting to realize that it is going to be very hard to build a community around me like the one I miss so much in Tampa. And I think therein lies the problem. Instead of looking to build a community, I should perhaps look to join one — practice to be more selfless, open myself up outside of my comfort zone to get to know the people here in the Midwest.
Like yesterday, right after classes, one of my acquaintances from orientation was cool enough to extend friendship by going to the gym together :) I had a great time exercising at our awesome rec center, plus he fooled me into thinking we were just doing half a mile when we ended up doing the full mile as we kept talking and jogging. Well, I walked a lot of it while he jogged :p #fat
And then more reading and cooking at night, more reading early in the morning.
Today, my Torts class was the one I worried about the most, but that would quickly change. I don’t really have words to express how much I enjoyed that class just yet…that’s how baffled I am. My Torts professor is new, super accomplished, and sincerely brilliant when it came to discussing law and theory. He taught so well that our class had some brilliant discussions, even on the first day of class!
Torts officially pushed my verdict to certainty — I like law school.
there you go. in other news, I hope to go kayaking again soon, run more, and study better. Congratulations to my best friend DAN for taking the MCAT today!! :) :) :)
Oh, and [attempting to] make macarons and finishing some videos this week too :) and of course, making life-long friends! #justiceleague
Someone who had lived in Carbondale before told me that the weather starts changing on august 15th. It has been over 100 degrees ever since we got here, complete with dry breezes and rainstorms that evaporate before the drops reach the ground.
Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little. All this to say that we woke up to a pleasant 79 degrees, slightly overcast sky. I couldn’t believe how happy I was this morning just because it had started to cool down. Lame.
We visited the farmers market too and bought some Cobden melons from Cobden, Illinois. They turned out to be overhyped canteloupes…I enjoyed them nonetheless :)
I then managed to convince my dad to go tandem kayaking with me at Little Grassy Lake, a cute little marina I found thanks to the google brothers. The weather was divine as the breezes picked up the coolness of the fresh, alligator-free waters. The place was neither little nor grassy; rather, it was gigantic and rocky and choppy…and was only a lake in the sense that the sea of galilee was one :p furthermore, fallish weather was replaced by scorching sun two hours into our excursion, melting my dad’s snickers snack and burning our faces and knees. I think we also became slightly delirious as we almost lost our way back on the water…I had crazy scenarios in my head about how we would survive the night in the beautiful woods…
As I lay here beside my dad on a 2.5-inch memory foam mattress topper, typing using two thumbs on my iPod touch named Barnabas, I am in awe of how I have arrived here.
The few times I had moved to a completely new place, I had made note of the things I found that were similar or different from what I had been used to:
same - walgreen’s, cvs, kohl’s, best buy, steak n shake, applebee’s, lowe’s, wal-mart, starbucks, dollar tree, denny’s, Jo-ann’s, chick fil a, mc donald’s, wendy’s, blimpie’s, moe’s, taco bell, KFC, fedex, staples, dying grass, running out of time, nice people, musty libraries, local hidden treasures everywhere, oppressive humidity, possibilities
different - one-way streets everywhere, Kroger’s, window AC unit, built in radiators, worn down buildings, no sea breeze, dust, a lot of dust, weak rainstorms, a lot of organic food options, wide open spaces, mom n pop businesses everywhere, basements, confusing intersections, not a lot of starbucks stores, no target, expensive gas, not so expensive parking decals, organic art, oppressive heat, endless possibilities
These are mere notes, with no judgments placed on them whatsoever. Adventure really is out here, and it has been a huge struggle mustering up enough courage to go out and pursue it. Such a small town, such a vast unknown of life to be lived.
For now, goodnight from the central time zone. Much, much love from Carbondale, IL. I miss you all so very much.